Post by bobandbill on Feb 28, 2009 23:30:42 GMT -5
Rated PG. Warning - there is a high possibility of a flamboyant person with a giant afro appearing in this fic.
Well, as Moose posted about a million things here (most though seemingly essays on American-related stuff, meaning I have rather little interest on those =P- Australia FTW!), I decided to post this here.
It's a fic I've been writing every so often in my spare time for a while now. It's a parody/comedy of the game Pokemon Colosseum, and also aims to explained the unexplained stuff in the game, like why did Wes do what he does in the prologue, and what is with Miror B's afro.
It isn't necessary to have played the game, although you'd probably appreciate some stuff more than if you hadn't - some of my 'humour' plays on the NPCs and such of the game. It kinda follows the storyline of that as well, although as it goes there are bigger and more differences.
Anyway, enjoy!
Somewhere in the middle of the vast expanse of the harsh Orre desert, a wild Skarmory was flying back to his nest. He had been hunting for his breakfast, but again was unsuccessful in his never-ending quest for food.
It was not because this silvery metal-plated bird was no good at looking for food. On the contrary, it was an achievement that he had survived for so long in the barren region. However, the population of wild Pokemon had recently decreased even further below the modest number it normally was, and all due to one newcomer.
Team Snagem.
In Skarmory’s humble opinion, all the trouble started when that good-for-nothing stupid man with funny pointy hair coming out from around his nose and eyes showed up near his nest and started building big gray buildings. And then he brought in Pokemon and…
No, that didn’t bear thinking about. The wild Skarmory tried to think about other things. Like how to impress that female Skarmory near his territory…
Suddenly the bird spotted something. A small, almost insignificant bright orange object was wandering around below. A glint of triumph could be seen in the eyes of the Skarmory. Circling once, he then suddenly dropped like a stone towards the object, which wasn’t hard for the Steel/Flying type.
“Skarr!” (You’re mine!)
With a quick couple of jabs with his glinting beak, he made quick work of the baby Trapinch which had strayed too far from its nest. The Skarmory then scooped up the Trapinch in his mouth and with another cry of ‘Skarr!’ he flew off with renewed energy towards his nest, pausing every so often to retrieve the Trapinch he kept dropping.
***
Meanwhile, the previously mentioned man with ‘funny pointy hair’ - otherwise known as Gonzap - was expressing his displeasure at a young teenager inside Team Snagem’s hideout on the second floor.
Gonzap was an intimidating, muscular man with a large stature and a bald head - but a main distinguishing feature was his extensive pointy moustache, and his long eyebrows that jutted out from his face. Nobody made jokes about that though. Leastways, nobody would have dared when Gonzap was around.
“So that’s all you could muster? Two Voltorb? First Jacob comes back and brings a Dunsparce of all things, and now this!”
“Sorry, but that’s all I could find in the house. The trainer must have left a while ago, and those were the only ones there,” replied the teenager. This adolescent was tall and thin, and sported a blue trench coat, and large blue sunglasses that usually rested upon his silver-tinged hair. Long white streaks of white sunscreen were clearly visible below his amber eyes - the teenager was of the opinion that it made him ‘look cool’.
“But I specifically told you to Snag that Charmander! Or didn’t you know the difference between those two?” sneered Gonzap. The teenager’s Umbreon - a black cat-like creature - started to growl at Gonzap.
"Umbre!" (Shut up, Mr Moustache Eyebrow man!)
“Quiet, Umbreon,” said the teenager. Meanwhile Gonzap looked thoughtfully at the Dark-type Pokemon, while twirling his moustache between his fingers.
“Hmm, on second thoughts, they can be the new Shadows.”
“Huh - what?”
“Espeon and Umbreon. They certainly would do better than a couple of Voltorb that probably don’t even know Spark.”
“But, but…”
“I expect to see you hand them in to my desk in ten minutes - plenty of time to say farewell,” smirked Gonzap. “You can dispose of the Voltorb, Wes. Unless you want to keep them!” With that Gonzap laughed, turned and departed heading towards his office for a spot of lunch.
How could he do this to me? thought Wes. After my years, well, months of service, after all the things I helped them with, he still insults me! True, I don’t snag that much, and I’m not much of a criminal, but now he simply expects me to give up my two and only Pokemon to become Shadow Pokemon? And for who? I don’t even know what they do with Shadow Pokemon!!
Wes angrily punched a wall, then winched in pain as his hand throbbed. He gazed at Umbreon, and then through the window at his other Pokemon, Espeon, who was outside sitting in one of Team Snagem’s few methods of transport - a motorcycle-looking object that everyone just called a ‘Zoomer’. Team Snagem got it at a bargain price as nobody understood its rather odd infrastructure - it had one wheel and the rest ‘hovered’ with the machine when used. But since it was cheap, and it didn’t break down… well, that’s all that mattered to Team Snagem.
Then Wes looked at the Voltorb, the Pokemon often mistaken for Pokeballs, only these were more common than that rare item - for the region of Orre, anyway. They looked back with frightened eyes.
Suddenly Wes smiled. He had an idea.
***
Meanwhile, the Skarmory landed in his nest after a long struggle with the surprisingly heavy Trapinch – this one was more plum than the others. Skarmory unceremoniously dropped it into the nest - a rough bundle of sticks put together, and covered by a small spiky bush. The Skarmory didn’t mind though - the sharp thorns in the bush did nothing to his steel hide, and it kept out the majority of intruders. Settling down to eat, Skarmory looked around to make sure that nothing else was to come to try to steal his meal.
KA-BOOM!
The Skarmory literally fell out of the nest at the noise, and had to flap hard to avoid hitting the ground. Startled, he flew around several times screeching about the indignantly of being so greatly disturbed before he could eat his meal.
After he recovered from his shock however, he sighted smoke in the distance.
Odd, Skarmory thought. He flew in the general direction of the smoke cautiously to investigate.
***
Back at the Team Snagem base, things had changed. Wes in a burst of inspiration had decided to give Team Snagem a ‘renovation rescue’ of sorts. Their base had recently acquired a large gaping hole in a wall. Blazing clusters of flames were materializing around the area, and spreading as they licked at the remaining pieces of the section of the building. Alarms went off.
“Thanks, Voltorb,” said Wes, as he emerged from a hiding place he picked that he figured would protect him from the blast, but they didn’t reply - they had fainted as a result of using Self-destruct to aid Wes.
Wes quietly stood back by the new gaping hole the building now sported to appreciate the damage he racked up, as a smile steadily widen upon his face. Walls were crumbling before his eyes as they failed to hold up any longer. A small section of the floor above him suddenly gave way and landed near Wes, piling up and forming a heap of rubble.
Serves them right, thought Wes.
He quickly grabbed a few items and stuffed them into his bag - a couple of Max Revives here, some full heals there. The Max Revives he gave to the Voltorb.
“You can leave now,” smiled Wes. The Voltorb didn’t wait around, quickly rolling through a door and off into the distance, glad to escape from the place.
Wes himself prepared to have a quick getaway to avoid getting caught. Firstly, though, he had something else to do. He quickly ran off towards another room, one which was restricted from most Team Snagem members. Wes ignored the large sign upon the door stating that the penalty for anyone caught in there would be a two hour lecture on basic reading skills - such warnings didn’t seem to apply to him anymore. Another minute of work, and he was ready for his grand exit. Heart pumping, and with a newly-acquired device in his pocket, he made his way back towards the scene of the explosion, and approached the door that led to the way out.
Then he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.
In one small, ruined area of the room, the big Snag machine – made especially to steal Pokemon from other trainers - that Team Snagem used for major operations was in ruins, but the smaller Snag machine - small enough to fit on someone’s arm - was still amazingly enough intact.
Why not? I might as well take it…give them something else to worry about. Wes picked up the Snag device and placed it upon his arm.
Just then, Gonzap showed up.
“WES! What is the meaning of this?!?” he shouted in fury, realising that Wes must have been the cause of the mess.
Wes smiled. “Let’s just say that I’m leaving, and I’ve left you a farewell present.”
***
A strange and glorious scene greeted the Skarmory as he came upon the ruins. Flames were everywhere, people were pouring out of the building and the stupid man with pointy things was chasing a smaller man and a Pokemon, an Umbreon.
Many others were in the chase, but the younger man kept himself a good distance from the rest. He jumped into a strange object with an Espeon, which then made a large noise and shot off at an incredible speed. The pointy man still kept chasing despite his sudden disadvantage.
KA-BOOM!
“SKARRRRRR!”
The Skarmory shot up faster than he ever had; flying up and away as the flames coming from the explosion scorched his body. Meanwhile, the smaller man was happily waving a black object with a bright red button in the centre of it at the stupid man.
The Skarmory was very confused by the events - after all, it wasn’t often that a building would suddenly burst into flames - but he knew that if something bad happened to Team Snagem - and it certainly was judging by the reaction of the stupid man - it must be good.
“Skarr! Skarr!” proclaimed the Skarmory to the world, despite his injuries. Today was a day for celebrating!
Shoomp!
Suddenly, the Skarmory experienced a weird sensation - as if he was being sucked into something. He looked below, and with a sinking feeling realised what was happening to him. Struggling but in vain, he submitted to the force, as the flames that scorched his body left himself in no proper state to escape.
***
Gonzap grimly picked up the Great Ball and put it in his pocket. He glanced at the base, which was now blazing wildly as people were running out of the building. The second explosion had caused even more widespread damage - short-term repairs would be futile. In the distance, a faint siren was sounding - the police were on their way. Not that anybody would miss such a large explosion - it had surely made a minor earthquake, which had thrown him off his feet when he had been pursuing the dratted boy, and the smoke given off would be a dead giveaway to where the source of the explosion was.
Very smart, Wes.
You’ve destroyed our main Snag machine, and stole the other one. You took our Zoomer. And to boot, you used those explosives we had been planning to use as well to utterly destroy our base.
AND half my moustache has burnt off, and I don’t have any eyebrows anymore.
You’ll pay for this.
***
And that concludes the prologue. As of the posting date of this, I have another 13 chapters written, and a long way to go as well...
Any comments would be much appreciated by Miror B. -_-
Well, as Moose posted about a million things here (most though seemingly essays on American-related stuff, meaning I have rather little interest on those =P- Australia FTW!), I decided to post this here.
It's a fic I've been writing every so often in my spare time for a while now. It's a parody/comedy of the game Pokemon Colosseum, and also aims to explained the unexplained stuff in the game, like why did Wes do what he does in the prologue, and what is with Miror B's afro.
It isn't necessary to have played the game, although you'd probably appreciate some stuff more than if you hadn't - some of my 'humour' plays on the NPCs and such of the game. It kinda follows the storyline of that as well, although as it goes there are bigger and more differences.
Anyway, enjoy!
The Retelling of Pokemon Colosseum
Prologue - Rebellion
Somewhere in the middle of the vast expanse of the harsh Orre desert, a wild Skarmory was flying back to his nest. He had been hunting for his breakfast, but again was unsuccessful in his never-ending quest for food.
It was not because this silvery metal-plated bird was no good at looking for food. On the contrary, it was an achievement that he had survived for so long in the barren region. However, the population of wild Pokemon had recently decreased even further below the modest number it normally was, and all due to one newcomer.
Team Snagem.
In Skarmory’s humble opinion, all the trouble started when that good-for-nothing stupid man with funny pointy hair coming out from around his nose and eyes showed up near his nest and started building big gray buildings. And then he brought in Pokemon and…
No, that didn’t bear thinking about. The wild Skarmory tried to think about other things. Like how to impress that female Skarmory near his territory…
Suddenly the bird spotted something. A small, almost insignificant bright orange object was wandering around below. A glint of triumph could be seen in the eyes of the Skarmory. Circling once, he then suddenly dropped like a stone towards the object, which wasn’t hard for the Steel/Flying type.
“Skarr!” (You’re mine!)
With a quick couple of jabs with his glinting beak, he made quick work of the baby Trapinch which had strayed too far from its nest. The Skarmory then scooped up the Trapinch in his mouth and with another cry of ‘Skarr!’ he flew off with renewed energy towards his nest, pausing every so often to retrieve the Trapinch he kept dropping.
***
Meanwhile, the previously mentioned man with ‘funny pointy hair’ - otherwise known as Gonzap - was expressing his displeasure at a young teenager inside Team Snagem’s hideout on the second floor.
Gonzap was an intimidating, muscular man with a large stature and a bald head - but a main distinguishing feature was his extensive pointy moustache, and his long eyebrows that jutted out from his face. Nobody made jokes about that though. Leastways, nobody would have dared when Gonzap was around.
“So that’s all you could muster? Two Voltorb? First Jacob comes back and brings a Dunsparce of all things, and now this!”
“Sorry, but that’s all I could find in the house. The trainer must have left a while ago, and those were the only ones there,” replied the teenager. This adolescent was tall and thin, and sported a blue trench coat, and large blue sunglasses that usually rested upon his silver-tinged hair. Long white streaks of white sunscreen were clearly visible below his amber eyes - the teenager was of the opinion that it made him ‘look cool’.
“But I specifically told you to Snag that Charmander! Or didn’t you know the difference between those two?” sneered Gonzap. The teenager’s Umbreon - a black cat-like creature - started to growl at Gonzap.
"Umbre!" (Shut up, Mr Moustache Eyebrow man!)
“Quiet, Umbreon,” said the teenager. Meanwhile Gonzap looked thoughtfully at the Dark-type Pokemon, while twirling his moustache between his fingers.
“Hmm, on second thoughts, they can be the new Shadows.”
“Huh - what?”
“Espeon and Umbreon. They certainly would do better than a couple of Voltorb that probably don’t even know Spark.”
“But, but…”
“I expect to see you hand them in to my desk in ten minutes - plenty of time to say farewell,” smirked Gonzap. “You can dispose of the Voltorb, Wes. Unless you want to keep them!” With that Gonzap laughed, turned and departed heading towards his office for a spot of lunch.
How could he do this to me? thought Wes. After my years, well, months of service, after all the things I helped them with, he still insults me! True, I don’t snag that much, and I’m not much of a criminal, but now he simply expects me to give up my two and only Pokemon to become Shadow Pokemon? And for who? I don’t even know what they do with Shadow Pokemon!!
Wes angrily punched a wall, then winched in pain as his hand throbbed. He gazed at Umbreon, and then through the window at his other Pokemon, Espeon, who was outside sitting in one of Team Snagem’s few methods of transport - a motorcycle-looking object that everyone just called a ‘Zoomer’. Team Snagem got it at a bargain price as nobody understood its rather odd infrastructure - it had one wheel and the rest ‘hovered’ with the machine when used. But since it was cheap, and it didn’t break down… well, that’s all that mattered to Team Snagem.
Then Wes looked at the Voltorb, the Pokemon often mistaken for Pokeballs, only these were more common than that rare item - for the region of Orre, anyway. They looked back with frightened eyes.
Suddenly Wes smiled. He had an idea.
***
Meanwhile, the Skarmory landed in his nest after a long struggle with the surprisingly heavy Trapinch – this one was more plum than the others. Skarmory unceremoniously dropped it into the nest - a rough bundle of sticks put together, and covered by a small spiky bush. The Skarmory didn’t mind though - the sharp thorns in the bush did nothing to his steel hide, and it kept out the majority of intruders. Settling down to eat, Skarmory looked around to make sure that nothing else was to come to try to steal his meal.
KA-BOOM!
The Skarmory literally fell out of the nest at the noise, and had to flap hard to avoid hitting the ground. Startled, he flew around several times screeching about the indignantly of being so greatly disturbed before he could eat his meal.
After he recovered from his shock however, he sighted smoke in the distance.
Odd, Skarmory thought. He flew in the general direction of the smoke cautiously to investigate.
***
Back at the Team Snagem base, things had changed. Wes in a burst of inspiration had decided to give Team Snagem a ‘renovation rescue’ of sorts. Their base had recently acquired a large gaping hole in a wall. Blazing clusters of flames were materializing around the area, and spreading as they licked at the remaining pieces of the section of the building. Alarms went off.
“Thanks, Voltorb,” said Wes, as he emerged from a hiding place he picked that he figured would protect him from the blast, but they didn’t reply - they had fainted as a result of using Self-destruct to aid Wes.
Wes quietly stood back by the new gaping hole the building now sported to appreciate the damage he racked up, as a smile steadily widen upon his face. Walls were crumbling before his eyes as they failed to hold up any longer. A small section of the floor above him suddenly gave way and landed near Wes, piling up and forming a heap of rubble.
Serves them right, thought Wes.
He quickly grabbed a few items and stuffed them into his bag - a couple of Max Revives here, some full heals there. The Max Revives he gave to the Voltorb.
“You can leave now,” smiled Wes. The Voltorb didn’t wait around, quickly rolling through a door and off into the distance, glad to escape from the place.
Wes himself prepared to have a quick getaway to avoid getting caught. Firstly, though, he had something else to do. He quickly ran off towards another room, one which was restricted from most Team Snagem members. Wes ignored the large sign upon the door stating that the penalty for anyone caught in there would be a two hour lecture on basic reading skills - such warnings didn’t seem to apply to him anymore. Another minute of work, and he was ready for his grand exit. Heart pumping, and with a newly-acquired device in his pocket, he made his way back towards the scene of the explosion, and approached the door that led to the way out.
Then he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.
In one small, ruined area of the room, the big Snag machine – made especially to steal Pokemon from other trainers - that Team Snagem used for major operations was in ruins, but the smaller Snag machine - small enough to fit on someone’s arm - was still amazingly enough intact.
Why not? I might as well take it…give them something else to worry about. Wes picked up the Snag device and placed it upon his arm.
Just then, Gonzap showed up.
“WES! What is the meaning of this?!?” he shouted in fury, realising that Wes must have been the cause of the mess.
Wes smiled. “Let’s just say that I’m leaving, and I’ve left you a farewell present.”
***
A strange and glorious scene greeted the Skarmory as he came upon the ruins. Flames were everywhere, people were pouring out of the building and the stupid man with pointy things was chasing a smaller man and a Pokemon, an Umbreon.
Many others were in the chase, but the younger man kept himself a good distance from the rest. He jumped into a strange object with an Espeon, which then made a large noise and shot off at an incredible speed. The pointy man still kept chasing despite his sudden disadvantage.
KA-BOOM!
“SKARRRRRR!”
The Skarmory shot up faster than he ever had; flying up and away as the flames coming from the explosion scorched his body. Meanwhile, the smaller man was happily waving a black object with a bright red button in the centre of it at the stupid man.
The Skarmory was very confused by the events - after all, it wasn’t often that a building would suddenly burst into flames - but he knew that if something bad happened to Team Snagem - and it certainly was judging by the reaction of the stupid man - it must be good.
“Skarr! Skarr!” proclaimed the Skarmory to the world, despite his injuries. Today was a day for celebrating!
Shoomp!
Suddenly, the Skarmory experienced a weird sensation - as if he was being sucked into something. He looked below, and with a sinking feeling realised what was happening to him. Struggling but in vain, he submitted to the force, as the flames that scorched his body left himself in no proper state to escape.
***
Gonzap grimly picked up the Great Ball and put it in his pocket. He glanced at the base, which was now blazing wildly as people were running out of the building. The second explosion had caused even more widespread damage - short-term repairs would be futile. In the distance, a faint siren was sounding - the police were on their way. Not that anybody would miss such a large explosion - it had surely made a minor earthquake, which had thrown him off his feet when he had been pursuing the dratted boy, and the smoke given off would be a dead giveaway to where the source of the explosion was.
Very smart, Wes.
You’ve destroyed our main Snag machine, and stole the other one. You took our Zoomer. And to boot, you used those explosives we had been planning to use as well to utterly destroy our base.
AND half my moustache has burnt off, and I don’t have any eyebrows anymore.
You’ll pay for this.
***
And that concludes the prologue. As of the posting date of this, I have another 13 chapters written, and a long way to go as well...
Any comments would be much appreciated by Miror B. -_-
